I REGRET NOTHING….ASIDE FOMR MY CHOICE OF FONT AND LACK OF TYPE MANIPULATION.
I’M ALSO IN THE MIDST OF CELEBRATING THE MEXICAN ARMY’S VICTORY AT THE BATTLE OF PUEBLA WITH THE MOST HISPANIC OF ALCOHOLS….VODKA!
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
They made me jam tonight at practice. one jammer, everyone else in the pack trying to fuck the jammer’s shit up.
and this is the song stuck in my head the whole time.
TEXT: Reblog this if you want questions in your ask box and will answer them with nothing but one GIF.
DRINKNICAL DIFFICULTIES,L PLEASE STAND BY
CAMERA IS STILL MISSING, CRAFT SUPPLIES DWINDLING. POP-UP CARDS SHALL BE CRAFTED NEXT, BUT MOST LIKELY POSTED THIS WEEKEND. THANK OYOU.
DRINKING WITH SCISSORS MISPLACED CAMERA EDITION!
IN KEEPING WITH MY THURSDAY NIGHT UIPDATE SCHEDULE, I AM DETERMINED TO PUT THIS HERE TONIGHT. HOWEVER I CAN’T FIND MY CAMERA WITH THE SUPER-DETAILED, REALLY IMPORTANT PHOTOS OF TONIGHT’S PROJECT ON THEM.
SO I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD IMAGINATION, AND I’LL COME BACK AND EDIT THE POST WITH THE PICTURES WHEN I FINR THE CAMN DAMERA.
TODAY ON DRINKING WITH SCISSORS, WE GET INTO JEWELRY!
WANT SOME NEW EARRINGS? OF CPURSE YOU DO!
MATERIALS NEEDED:
CARDSTOCK!
IF YOU’RE FEELING ARTY, YOU CAN DRAW YOUR IDEA ON A PIECE OF BLANK CARSTOCK, OR USE PICTURES CLIPPED OUT OF MAGAZINES GLUED TO MORE CARDSTOCVK, DIG OUT THGAT OLD DECK OF CARDS WITH THE FIVE OF CLUBS MISSING, OR JUST CANNIBALIZE YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND’S OLD MAGIC CARD COLLECYTION HE LEFT SITTING IN YOUR HOUSE.
EARWIRES!
THEXZSE ARE THE LITTLE FISH-HOOK THINGIES YOU STICK IN YOUE EAR-HOLES. IF YOUR EARS AREN’T PIERCED, GO FIND SOME CLIP-ON EARRING BACKS. BOTH KINDS CAN BE FOUND AT ANY CRAFT STORE, OR ONCE AGAIN, CANNIBALIZE SOME FROM THAT OLD PAIR OF EAARINGS YOU THOUGHT WERE CUTE ONCE, BUT ENDED UP[ BEING KINDA DUM,B. NOT EVEN IRONY WILL HELP THIS PAIR.
CLEAR NAIL POLISH!
ANY KIND WILL DO, IF YOU GO WITH A KIND THAT HAS GLITTER IN IT, REMEMBER THAT THE GLITTER WILL OBSCURE THE PICTURE IN EXCHANGE FOR MAKING IT SPARKLY AS HECK. YOUR CALL.
SEQUINS, GLITTER, SHINY CRAP!
THIS IS OPTIONAL, BUT HEY, WHO DOESN’T LIKE SHINY CRAP?
SCISSORS! A PEN! A QUARTER OR SIMILAR ROUND THINGY! A PIN! PLIERS!
USING THE QUARTER OR SIMILAR ROUND THINGY, TRACE A CIRCLE ON YOUR CARDSTOCK OF CHOICE. MAKE SURE THE CIRCLE ENCLOSES WHATEVER OU WANT TOT BE PART OF YOUR EARRING MEDALLION. (IF YOU WANT TO GET FANCY, YOU CAN CUT OUT A DIFFERENT SHAPE, LIKE A TIRANGLE, OR A STAR, OR MAKE ‘EM AS BIG OR AS SMALL AS YOU WANT. I’M NOT THE ONE WHOSE GONNA BE WALKING AROUND WITH GIANT SQUID-SHAPED PORTRAITS OF ERNETST BORGNINE DANGLING FROM MY HEAD.) THEN CUT IT OUYT. EMBELLISH WITH SHINY STUFF IF DESIRED. POKE A HOLE NEAR THE TOP OF THE DISK WITH A PIN.
COAT BOTH SIDES OF THE CARDSTOCK DISK WITH CLEAR NAIL POLISH. MAKE SURE YOU DO THIS IN A WELL-CVENRTILATED AREA, THIS IS “DRINKING WITH SCISSORS,” NOT “HIGH ON NAIL PO0LIOSH FUMES WITH SCISSORS.” HOLD DOWN YOUR DISKS USING THE PIN, STUCK THROUGH THE SAME HOLE YOU MADE EARLIER.
USE YOUR PLIERS TO OPEN YTHE RING ON THE EARWIRES. TILT THE OPENING OF THE LOOP TO THE SIDE, DON’T OPEN IT LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO STRAIGHTEN IT. THAT MAKES IT HARDER TO CLOSE. SLIP THE OPEN LOOP THROUGH THE DISK HOLE, BEND THE LOOP CLOSED AND ENJOY YOUR NEW SPIFFY EARRINGS. IF YOU WANT TO GET EXTRA-FANCY, TIE A THIN RIBBON OR SOME EBROIUDERY FLOSS AROUND THE LOOP ABOVE THE DISK IN A BOW OR SOMETHING. YAY!
HURRAH FIVE FOLLOWERS!
AS YOU CAN SEE, DWS HAS UPDATED WITH A NEW SHINY MONOCHROME MARTINI GLASS AND SCISSORS LOGO, AND MORE BEAUTIFUL DRUNK CRAFTING TUTORIALS SHALL BE ON THE WAY. NOW, WHILE I AM TRULY DRUNK RIGHT NOW, SOME OF THESE UPDATESX WILL MOST LIKELY BE POSTED WHILE SOBER. BECAUSE I LOVE AND RESPECT MY LIVER ENOUGH TO NOT ABUSE IT MORE THANB MAYBE ONCE A WEEK.
UPDATE SCHEDULE: MOST LIKELY E’RRY THURSDAY NIGHT, DEFINITELY WEEKLY, JUST NOT QUITE SURE WHAT DAY YET.
NEXT TUTORIAL: CARDSTOCK EARRINGS! YAY!
FANCY RECORD BAG PURSES!
AS A YOUNG AN IMPRESSIONABLE NERD, I AHVNE ENJOYED MANY A NERDLY THING AND WISH TO REPLICATE THEM IN THE REAL WORLD. NO SUCH SMALL EXAMPLE IS THE SUBSPACE PURSE, BELONGING TO ONE RAMONA FLOWERS OF SCOTT PILGRIM VERSUS THE WORLD, BY BRIAN LEE O’MALLEY, AVAILABLE IN YOUR LOCL PAPER-WITH-WORDS-ON-THEM RETAILER. WORKING IN A FABRIC SHOP MADE THIS WISH COME TRUE.
MATERIALS NEEDED:
FABRIC! (ABOUT A YARD OR SO IN YOUR BASE COLOR, DECENT SIZXED SCRAPS FOR YOUR EMBLEM)
NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO FABRIC, I SUGGEST USING SOME THAT’S FAIRLY STIFF ON IT’S OWN, THIS WILL HAVE TO HOLD IT’S OWN SHAPE TO LOOK GOOD AND ALL. SO VINYL, CANVAS, OR SUNBRELLA (A SYNTHETIC MATERIAL THAT’S USED FOR AWNINGS AND THE LIKE) ARE FANTASTIC. IF YOU HAVE A FLIMSY FABRIC YOU STILL UTTERLY ADORE, STICK IT TO SOME FUSIBLE WEBBIG OR BUCKRAM FIRST.
BUCKRAM! (OR FUSIBLE WEEBING)
BUCKRAM IS USED IN MAKING HATS. IT ALSO HELPS GIVE BODY TO FABRIC. IF YOU’RE USING A STIFF FABRIC, THEN PROCEED DOWN THE LIST. OTHERWISE, FEAT YOUR EYES ON THE HELPFUL PHOTO OF A CIRCLE OF BUCKRAM BELOW:\
THIS STUFF LOOKS LIKE CHEESECLOTH, BUT IT’S BEEN IMPREGNASTEWD WITH A GLUE/PLASTER MIX TO MAKE IT STIFF AND RESILIENT. BUCKRAM. LOOK IT UP ON THE INTERWEBS FOR WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT. OR JUST GET FUSIBLE INTERFACING/WEBBING.
A ZIPPER!
INVISIBLE DRESS ZIPPER, OR GIANT GNASHY EXPOSED METAL TEETH, IT DOESN’T MATTER. ABOUT SIX TO EIGHT INCHES LONG WILL DO THE TRICK. UNLESS YOU DON’T WANT A PURSE THAT OPENS UP. YOUR CALL.
STRAP MATERIAL (ALSO ABOUT A YARD OR SO)~
NYLON STRAPPING (OR WEBBING OR BELTING, DEPENDING ON YOUR LOCAL TERMINOLOGY), OR AN OLD SOFT BELT, OR ANOTHER STRAP OF VINYL/PURSE FABRIC, DOUBLED OVER AND STITCHED SO THE RAW EDGES ARE PROTECTD FROM FRASYING, CHAIN, ROPE, THICK CORDING, ELECTRICAL CORDIING, WHATEVER WORKS FOR THE THEME OF YOUR PURSE. I USUALLY GO WITH NYLON STRAPPING IN A COMPLIMENTARY COLOR TO THE PURSE ITSELF.
PIPING! (NOT MANDATORY, BUT I REALLY REALLY LIKE IT)
THIS IS THE FANCY SORT OF BEAD RUNNING AROUND THE SEAMS OF THE PURSE. IT’S USUALLY A CORDY-THINGY WITH A FLANGE RUNNING DOWN ONE SIDE. YOU SEW THE FLANGEY-BIT IN THE SEAM BETWEEN THE TWO FABRIC PIECES, SO YOU GET THAT NICE LITTLE ROUND SORT OF CURB THING TO DELINEATE THE TRANSITION BETWEEN SIDE PIECE AND OTHER SIDE PIECE OF MY PURSES.
SCISSORS! PINS! A SEWING MACHINE! THREAD THAT MATCHES YOUR FABRIC COLOR! A PINCUSHION! MORAL SUPPORT! A MEASURING TAPE! GLUE! A SHARPIE PERMANENT MARKERPEN! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!
DIFFICULTY: OOH, NEAT, I SHOULD MAKE A DIFFICULTY LEVEL ICON FOR FUTURE PROJECTS. FOR THIS ONE, I’LKL JUST SAY THIS: MAYBE TWO DRINKS. THREE IF YOU’RE FEELING CONFIDENT IN YOUR SKILLS. IT INVOVLES THREE-DIMENSIAONAL SEWING, ZIPPERS, AND OF COURSE, TURNING STUFF INSIDE-OUT.
SO NOW YOU’VE GOT ALL YOUR STUFF TOGETHER, START BY DRAWING TWO CIRCLES IN YOUR BASE FABRIC. USE A DINNER PLATE, A RECORD, A TRASH CAN, OR THE FRISBEE YOU JUST USED AS A PLATE FOR YOUR FAST-FOOD DINNER.
SET THOSE ASIDE FOR A MINUTE. NOW CUT A RECTANGLE FROM AFOREMENTIONED BASE FABRIC AROUNBD 5 OR SIX INCHES WIDE (IT’S YOUR PURSE, I WON’T TELL YOU HOW WIDE IT SHOULD BE, JUST GO WITH WHAT FEELS RIGHT) AND {MATH} LONG. FOR THE {MATH} BIT, MEASURE ACROSS YOUR CIRCLE OF FABRIC AT IT’S WIDEST POINT. MULTIUPLY THAT NUMBER BY PI. (3.14, BUT JUST ROUND IT UP TO 3 AND A QUARTER TO GIVE YOURSELF SOME MISTAKE ROOM. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO KNOWS PI UP TO 200 DIGITS, BUT ACCURACY OF THAT LEVEL ISN’T NEEDED.) SET THE RECTANGLE ASIDE AND GO BACK TO THE CIRCLES.
NOW COMES THE ARTY PART. GRAB YOUR ACCENT SCRAPS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT THIS PURSE TO ADVERTISE. MAN’S MORTALITY? YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? THAT WEIRD APPLE-SHAPED BIRTHMARK ON YOUR BUTT THAT SHOWED UP WHEN YOU REALIZED IT WAS YOUR DESTINY TO TAKE OVER THE FAMILY FARM?>
TRACE AND CUT OUT YOUR SHAPE. THEN SPREAD A THIN LAYER OF GLUE OVER THE BAKCSIDE OF YOUR SHAPE, AND POSITION IT ONTO ONE OF YOUR CIRCLES MORE OR LESS IN THE CENTER OF IT. MAKE SURE YOUR EMBLEM IS SMALLER THAN THE CIRCLE AND FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM THE EDGES OF THE CIRCLE THAT IT WON’T GET EATEN BY THE SEAM ALLOWANCE WHEN YOU SEW IT TOGETHER. NOW WAIT FOR THE GLUE TO DRY AND THEN STITCH IT TO THE FABRIC CIRCLE. I TRIED PINNING THE EMBLEMS TO THE CIRCLE, BUT THAT JUST ENDED UP A BIG WRINKLY MESS. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES, FRIENDLINGS.
NOW, WE GET TO THE FANCY BITS. GRAB YOUR PIPING, AND PIN IT ALL AROUND THE EDGE OF BOTH FABRIC CIRCLES, OVERLAPPING THE ENDS WHEN YOU GET TO THE END. MAKE SURE THE FLANGEY-BIT OF THE PIPING IS FACING TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE CIRCLE. THIS IS IMPORTANLST. (YOU CAN SEE THE PIPING DONE THIS WAY ON THE CRESCENT MOON PURSE CIRCLE UP ABOVE) AND TACK STITCH THOSE DOWN. DOESN’;T HAVE TO BE PERMANENT, JUST SOMETHING TO STICK IT DOWN SO YOU CAN REMOVE THE PINS.
NOW GO BACK TO YOUR FABRIC RECTABGLE. FIND YOUR ZIPPER, FOLD IT IN HALF, FOLD THE RECTANGLE IN HALF (LONGWAYS) AND MATCH THE FOLD OF THE ZIPPER TO THE FOLD OF THE RECTANGLE. MAKE SURE THE ZIPPER IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RECTANGLE. MARK BOTH ENDS OF THE ZIPPERS WITH PINS OR MARKER DOTS, AND MAKE SURE THE MARKS ARE PLACED A LITTLE SHORTER THASN THE ZIPPER. GOTTA MAKE SURE THE TOP AND BOTTOM OF THE ZIPPER ARE SECURELY SEWN IN THERE. NOW CUT FROM ONE DOT TO THE OTHER. DEPENDING ON YOUR FABRIC, THERE MAY BE A CHANCE OF THIS NEW ZIPPER OPENING FRAYING. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO LIMIT THIS FRAYING ACTION. FRAY-CHECK, CLEAR NAIL POLISH, OR CRAZY GLUE WORK, JUST PAINT ‘EM ON THE EDGES, OR IF YOUR FABRIC IS SYNTHETIC, YOU CAN FIND A HOT MELTY-THINGY (BE CAREFUL WITH HOT METLY-THINGIES, EVEN WHILE SOBER) LIKE A SOLDERING IRON OR A WOODBURNING TOOL OR A BUTTERKNIFE HELD OVER A STOVE ELEMENT FOR A MINUTE) AND MELT THE EDGES. NOW PIN THE ZIPPER, ZIPPY-HANDLE-THING-SIDE DOWN, INTO THIS NEW CUT YOU MADE IN YOUR RECTANGLE. AND SEW IT. MAKE USRE YOUR ZIPPER CAN OPEN AND CLOSE WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS.
NOW WE GET TO THE STRAPPY BITS! ONCE AGAIN IF USING SOMETHING THAT FRAYS, MELT OR PAINT AS NECESSARRY. CUT ABOUT 40 INCHES OR WHATEVER’S A COMFORTABLE HANG LENGTH OF YOUR STRAP AND FOLD OVER EACH END. PIN TO YOUR BAG LIKE SO ON EITHER END OF YOUR ZIPPER APERTURE ON THE RIGHT SIDE:
USUALLY JUST OINE PIN DOES IT OKAY. THIS IS ALSO A GOOD TIME TO REMIND YOU TO USE THREAD THE SAME COLOR AS YOUR FABRIC. OTHERWISE EVERYONE GETS TO SEE YOUR DRUNK SEWING MACHINE DRIVING. THAT’S WHAT THE SHARPIE IS ALSO FOR, ASIDE FROM MARKING YOUR FABRIC.
NOW SEW YOUR STRAPS DOWN GOOD AND SECURE. I GO WITH THE “X IN A BOX” PATTERN, BUT ANYTHING THAT USES A WHOLE LOTTA THREAD TO MARRY STRAP TO FABRIC WILL WORK OKAY AS WELL.
NOW COMES THE FUN PART! PIN YOUR RECTANGLE TO YOUR CIRCLE. WITH THE STRAP-SIDE (RECTANGLE) FACING THE EMBLEM SIDE (CIRCLE) MAKE SURE THE TOP OF THE EMBLEM AND LIKEWISE, THE CIRCLE ITSELF, ARE PINNED TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RECTANGLE SO YOUR ZIPPER ENDS UP RIGHT ON TOP OF THE PRUSE. UNLESS YOU LIKE HAVING A PURSE THAT INSTANTLY EMPTIES ITSELF IF YOU FORGET TO CLOSE IT. YOUR PINNED STUFF WILL LOOK LIKE THIS:
WE’RE LOOKING AT THE TOP OF THE PURSE HERE. JUST SO YOU KNOW. WOO HAND0-HELD ACTION SHOT.
AND THEN YOU SEW THOSE TWO PIECES TOGETHER. DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE MEETING OF THE RECTANGLE ENDS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PURSE, JUST FOLD THEM TOGETHER AND KEEP SEWING AROUND YOUR CIRCLE.
PIN YOUR OTHER CIRCLE, FANCY PIPING SIDE IN, TO THE NOW 2/3RDS OF A PURSE, MAKING SURE THE STRAP REMAINS ON THE INSIDE OF THE PURSE. YOU MAY WANT TO UNZIP THE ZIPPER AT THIS POINT BEFORE YOU FINISH PINNING. ONCE AGAIN DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RECTANGLE ENDS, FOLD THEM OVER IN THE SAME DIRECTION OND SEW THEM TO THE CIRCLE. ONCE THAT’S DONE, REACH IN AND GRAB A HOLD OF SOMETHING TO YANK AND TURN IT ALL RIGHT-SIDE OUT! YOU CAN HAND-STITCH OR GLUE THE BOTTOM SEAM SHUT, WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU. NOW LOAD UP YOUR PURSE AND FROLIC OFFWARDS!
